By Bro.(Dr).Varghese Mandapathil SG –
Annual retreats are inner journeys. “The longest journey is the journey inward” says Dag Hemmarskjold, a great writer and diplomat. If you are prepared to undertake this journey, you may discover, that it was worth the trouble because every retreat is a journey into your own inner self. It calls you to recognize your inner struggles, anxieties, helplessness, brokenness and woundedness. Fritz Perls says, “We are all fragmented people. To the extent, we are aware of the fragments or parts, we are real” – awareness of ourselves is a must for this journey to be meaningful.
Life is a great journey that constantly calls us to leave ourselves behind to follow God’s will. “It’s very difficult, in geography as in morality, to understand the world without leaving your own house.” – Voltaire. A retreat is a journey to change. It is good to ask oneself, “Am I afraid to make this journey to change?” Every journey requires preparation and separation. We can’t carry all that we need when we prepare to go on a journey. We have to ‘choose’ to take some things and ‘decide’ to leave behind some. Look at the birds, they carry nothing with them, even when they migrate to a new continent. That makes them fly light and fly high. The less weight we carry the faster and higher we can fly/journey. We also need a separation, a time to detach ourselves from our daily routine and take stock of what is happening to us. This becomes more relevant and meaningful after a year-long lockdown.
In December 1983, I went to Chhingchhip to guard the house when Bro. Thomas Plathottam and Bro. Francis Abraham had gone for their home leave. Early one morning, I saw an old lady carrying a big bundle of firewood in a basket hung from her head (in the Mizo style). She was quite old, fragile and thin and the load she was carrying was far heavier than what a person of her age could carry. I stood and watched her carry the heavy load home. As I reflect on the old lady carrying that bundle of firewood on her fragile head body, I still remember her smile and the determination on her face.
We carry the unresolved issues in our life as burdens on our backs. Some of what we carry is obvious, some pressures and weights that are hidden within our hearts and minds. We carry afflictions like the secrets of our lives, the long-term regrets, resentments, hurts, histories of shame and the carelessness of sins that pile up within us which we should not have to carry. We all experience many days or even years where these burdens become our only identities.
Retreats are times when we can deal with these heavy burdens on our backs by turning inward. We may fuel the fires of addiction to alcohol, food or pornography when we feel crushed in life. When we do not feel appreciated or when people treat us badly or as a commodity we get hurt and they remain as a deep wound inside us.
Jesus told, “Come and rest a while – my yoke is easy and the burden light”. Come to me all you who labour and are heavy burdened and I will give you rest. (Mt.11:28-30). If we make this inner healing journey seriously our heads will clear, shoulders will be lighter, our hearts at peace and our mouth will sing in joyful exultation.
A Retreat is an invitation and an opportunity to break from whatever is blocking us, whatever is holding us back. And in general, that which drives us to break from our bonds and set out to do His will. The journey continues beyond the boundaries of our everyday life and routines. It is a journey towards our inner self. It can be challenging, frightening or exciting. It can be like Abraham’s experience having been invited by God to leave his father’s house behind and set out for an uncertain destiny, and yet, it is precisely there that Abraham’s life finally begins. Life continually sends us out. The meaning of it evolves slowly. So, trust in Him, He has a plan for everything. We need to discern his plan for us. The journey of Jesus teaches us that every journey has a purpose and we need to persevere especially when the going gets tough and demanding. Jesus teaches us the pedagogy of the journey! As we journey in His path, we know that He is there with us. He will guide us on the way. This journey is His will, for His mission. Take up your daily crosses and follow me, He said.
Silence is an integral part of such a journey. Marty Nemko, Ph.D., writes in Psychology Today, “In conversation, we underestimate the power of silence.” A quiet place is another important requirement to listen to Him. The first Christians and Jews went into the desert. Buddhists and Hindus have sought out caves or mountaintops. Philosophers and great thinkers have found basements, labs or a hidden garden. St. Montfort found a place under a staircase.
Today, more than ever, we are living in a fast, busy and noisy world. The mobile phone has smartly invaded all our private places and has taken away our privacy. Unfortunately, social media has taken away one of the most important parts of our consciousness, the part most sensitive to gentleness, caring for others and being alive to those around us. Getting back these qualities is essential for our holistic development and enhancement of our Spiritual Quotient (SQ) which today psychologists consider more important than Intelligent Quotient (IQ) and Emotional Quotient (EQ).
Silent prayer allows us to get in touch with inner emotions and thoughts too often camouflaged by a world of noise and activity. When we can embrace silence as a rare opportunity to visit, deal with those issues that are buried deep in us, beneath layers of noise and activity by tuning into the spiritual nudges and inspirations that flow through the peacefulness of silence, we train ourselves to appreciate an inner world that bolsters and enhances our wellness and connections with the world outside of our thoughts. Rather than being afraid of silence, we must use it to gain strength and wisdom.
When you are quiet, you may become uneasily aware of the presence within you, of a stranger; the self that is both “I” and someone else, within yourselves. The self that is so different from the everyday character you have constructed out of your dealing with others. Let us take the “risk” to meet this stranger; the flawed, fragile, broken, failed part of you, the secretive, insecure you, hurting, grieving you. The part of yourself you wish to avoid and do not dare to meet. When you do that, you begin your healing journey and adventure. Wish you an adventurous journey during the annual retreat.
So let us challenge ourselves to encounter silence during the retreat. Not a dead silence, but confident privacy that avoids chatter and thoughtless noise, a silence that is creative, sacred, and productive which can lead us towards an encounter with self and Jesus.
Bro. Varghese Mandapathil SG is the provincial of Montfort Brothers of St. Gabriel province of North East India. A North East India Covid task force has been involved to care for the safety and support of for the people of N-E Inida. Bro. Varghese heads the counselling team of the covid task force. A team of five senior counsellors from North East region led by Bro. George Padikara SG of the province of Bengaluru supervises the counselling services. There are 54 counsellors in the team able to render services to people from 24 language groups. These counsellors are available 24 hours to reach out to people with online psychological support.
